The Range
I promise I will write smut soon. I have a few interesting things brewing in my head. Stories I’ve started and not finished, things like that. You will most likely not be hearing about random sex acts. For now, they just won’t be happening, I have put them in safe-keeping. Trust me, it is for the best. BBG was close to being thrown out a 7th story window—she’s still here, just a little more…controlled. Let’s hope you all still love me when I’m NOT a shameless whore.
So I was taking today about The Range. No, this has nothing to do with firing guns or “Home on the….” It’s about emotions. Go ahead…if you’re looking for dirty sex talk, you can click away…not this time. What I mean is the range of emotions that people go through in the beginning of something new. Mix that with a D/s relationship and it is something entirely different.
Yesterday He and I were talking about emotions and protocol and how this level of formality helps to keep things in perspective. Helps keep up certain boundaries. I responded with, “Perhaps for you, but it isn’t exactly the same for me.” For me, the protocol is a safe extension for the normal range of emotions that everyone goes through in the beginnings of a relationship. Imagine my surprise that I am allowed, and actually encouraged to speak my mind about how I feel about the other person in this relationship.
For example, in a ‘vanilla’ (and I use that term loosely, with no disrespect, and for lack of a better one) dating scenario of two people dating less than a few weeks, you certainly can’t say what’s really on your mind. Most often when you first start dating someone really great, everything is all sparkly and rainbows. There’s the butterflies and you are so excited you can’t wait to talk to the other person again—but you certainly cannot SAY such things. Often there is no stronger kiss of death than saying too soon, “Wow—I really like you!” Even though you’re thinking it, and you hope the other person feels it too. It’s unspoken and uncertain and there’s that little tinge of misery there in beginning when you otherwise feel all sparkly and rainbows.
However, I am encouraged, praised for and probably expected to—on a daily basis—say, “I feel so fortunate to be yours, Sir.” It’s not seen as strange or clingy or “too soon.” Unless of course I didn’t feel that way, then that would be dishonest. The formality and the rules and roles of D/s, while structured—gives me an outlet to actually FEEL things. It’s expected of me to share those feelings with him. I trust Him with my feelings, because He trusts me with his. It’s been a short time, an insanely short time, but I know that He values me. He appreciates me. He tells me that I’m beautiful and special and that he’s proud of who I am.
I know, right?
But this type of exchange is allowed. It’s encouraged. Well, it’s encouraged between us anyway. Who knows what others do in their D/s relationships? You can’t exactly google this stuff. But of course, I did.
From Yahoo Answers:
What are the pros and cons of a “Dom”/”Sub” relationship? (yes in quotes) There were a few answers but the one that seemed to be the most thought out was this one:
Personally, I don’t think D/S is a good foundation for a relationship. Because D/S is basically emotional role playing and those who make it a way of life are isolating themselves from the full range of emotions and subtle give and take in a relationship. Additionally with D/S each person suppresses one side of their personality for some “spiritual and emotional transcendence” when it’s not about them anymore it’s about the experience. Mind games. With a relationship outside of that it’s not about dominance or submission, a relationship outside of D/S is about a balance between the two, a shared balance. In D/S there is no sharing, it’s always either top and bottom.
Interesting, but I completely disagree. I am not at all isolating myself from a full range of emotions this early in the relationship and I know there are plenty of couples who have loving committed long term D/s relationships. There is very clear and obvious give and take. “Each person suppresses one side of their personality”—hmmmm…I don’t think so. Granted, this is a different side of me, but not one that I dislike. I don’t feel like I’m suppressing anything. Mind Games? Hmmm, perhaps I could see how mind games might come in to play—however, it seems to me that communication is the key. If a top is doing something ‘mind game-y’, chances are they have something in mind, and the sub should be able to anticipate what that is and consents to it. Being submissive does not negate your right to think. In D/s there is no sharing?? Really? Because I think He and I have shared a few amazing moments, already so soon in our journey together.
I’m finding all of this more and more appealing as the days go on. I think our physical distance will eventually become frustrating, as it obviously limits our ability to touch and play. It limits the physicality, but it certainly hasn’t limited the intimacy. Perhaps it IS some sort of emotional transcendence.
What is so bad about that?
Well having read you story I kind of agree but when couples are comftable at whatever stage in the relationship it certainly helps if you can open up and explore everything. Tom many couple are afraid to show and talk about things and that leads to a number of things mostly one side straying into a fling or an affair, don’t you agree??
You’re right. “Each person suppresses one side of their personality”—hmmmm…I don’t think so”
If I had to suppress any part of me, I’d be someone completely different. The key is to find a dominant that appreciates all of who you are, not to find one that wants only part of who you are.
Silverdreams´s last blog ..I Can’t Believe I Forgot To Tell Him This
In my D/s relationship, the only time “mind games” are played is, well, for play. He never plays mind games when it comes to our relationship and where I stand. Like you, I’m encouraged to be more transparent about my feelings than I’ve ever been in a vanilla relationship.
Nadia´s last blog ..Sex and Tea
Obviously the person answering Yahoo questions has never been in a D/s relationship and arguing any fact from the pulpit of ignorance is well…idiotic, no?
Missy and I have a highly emotional relationship on every level and if I wanna get all submissive on her by burying my head in her lap while she strokes my hair, then I’ll do it.
It really all depends on how you do. D/s is very right for some, and probably horrible for others. I write of our relationship which I feel is quite different than many D/s blogs. It doesn’t make us right or wrong, better or worse, just different. We go our own way, and I think that is what it’s all about in any relationship D/s or no.
Don’t you think?
Hi, btw!
B
B´s last blog ..Enslaved by Submission…