Doms do not ask rhetorical questions
On Friday I have learned a few things about myself in regards to my new D/s relationship. I will explain one, then the other.
First off, I do not like being in trouble. It stems from childhood I guess when I think I was always on the wrong side of whatever I was supposed to be doing. I don’t know that I ever identified as rebellious, never spoiled, but sometimes I just wanted to see what I could get away with. Going into adulthood and learning a few hard lessons in maturity, I learned that you cannot GET into trouble without hearing it from ’someone’. It’s very hard for me to take the lecture that I know I have coming. I much more prefer to just have the transgression acknowledge and we move on, quietly. Thank you. No, we don’t HAVE to talk about it. As a matter of fact, lets NOT talk about it. Of course that is not always the way it works in the real world, and certainly not the way it works with Him.
Personally, I felt He overreacted as it was a misunderstanding in timing etc. We were texting at work. I sent a text and was in the middle of another one right afterwards. I heard a new text come in, but I was typing so I didn’t read it. Then someone walked in to my office. So about 4 minutes later- I finished my text which I thought was funny and cute: ”Will trade cheesecake for fisting.”
I sent it, and then read the text that he sent me. It was that he needed to get back to work and so should I. Another minute later- he sent me another text, scolding me for ignoring his text. We discussed some things in regards to distraction (that we are trying to help each other with) and he somewhat (ok TOTALLY) put me in my place. Ending this text with something along the lines of “You need to behave.”
ummmmmm…. hello???
I responded, playfully, with “*pouts*”
His reply came back, “I’m serious (first name). No pouting. I told you this was important, why didn’t you listen?”
ok…. really….. WHAT??
I wanted to call him and say, “Um- excuse me Sir, no disrespect, but… are you fucking kidding me?” I wanted to argue back with him because I was still a bit unsure what had just happened. One moment I’m making cheesecake in exchange for his fist in my pussy and then next moment… wait a minute…
Did he just FIRST NAME me?
He calls me a lot of things- sweet things, sometimes dirty things. But he has never pulled out my first name. We discussed what would get my attention fastest as our names and titles for each other change with the conversation- but he FIRST NAME’d me?
Are you fucking kidding me?
I didn’t respond to his text- I did like I was told. I got back to work. I was irritated though. It wasn’t my fault that he was running behind his schedule. It certainly wasn’t MY fault that he slept until 11AM!?!? He had been on twitter and taking personal phone calls all morning. We had not been talking long, why was this MY fault that he was behind schedule?? I was frustrated but I didn’t argue. Something told me is was best not to and I was taking time to craft the backfire from me that would eventually come. Oh, and it was going to!
About 5 minutes later I got a DM on Twitter:
If you are busy you needn’t respond now, but if you are intentionally not speaking- you need to answer me NOW.
Oh- HELL NO- you did NOT!!! After telling me to be quiet, now you’re going to insist that I answer you?!?! What kind of ridiculous mind game nonsense is this?? See, THIS is where things start to go a bit south for me. The independent woman (cue Beyonce music) in me starts to get all worked up.
Throw your hands up at me!!
I responded, “You TOLD me to go back to work- I thought that it was a rhetorical question.”
Ok, so there are NO rhetorical questions. I decided not to argue even though I wanted to. I mean, in a text message I can respond as I please. He’s not right in front of me. He can’t STOP me, right? However- I opted to let it go. I let him lecture me, and I said I was sorry. When he asked how I was feeling, I suggested that we talk later because I was too tempted to argue with him right now. You see, I really WANT to behave- but I was irritated. Ok, I was even a little angry.
I went to lunch with my Domme friend, Mistress T and I told her what happened. I showed her the messages. I was looking for some sympathy. Some understanding, and maybe a little bit of ‘girl’ support.
Yeah, I didn’t get that. Tops stick together. Maybe theres a “Top Code” or something.
Me: So you see, it was a misunderstanding in timing and text messages. And besides, it’s not my fault that he wasted his whole day. I’m here at work and he’s still in bed!
MT: Well sugar, it seems to me like it’s all up for interpretation. And well, you lose!
Me: (grumbing….) I don’t like being in trouble.
MT: Well, then BEHAVE.
Luckily SHE is not my Top because the dagger eyes I gave her were not well appreciated but she wasn’t at liberty to do anything about it.
In the end, He and I did discuss the misunderstanding and he agree that it was just that- a misunderstanding- however the lesson was still good for me. We talked about it the next day. The. Next. Day. 24 hours later- more like 36 really. That evening, I started talking about it and he just said, “No.”
NO?!?!!
Yeah- this is HARD. It is not easy for me to be told to keep my mouth shut and it’s harder for me to be put in my place- especially when I feel that I’m misunderstood. I mean, hello, have you met ME? However, I know that he is fair and he was concerned about my feelings here. This was a first for me and we did spend some time talking about it. I trusted that he would eventually allow me to say what I needed to say, but it would not be on my time, it would be on his. Yes, this is hard- but it’s a process I’m willing to go through and perhaps it will teach me some emotional discipline. I’m certainly willing to go through this process because so far the benefits have all been positive.
The second thing I learned is that the entire exchange, surprisingly, made me so incredibly hot. I find it hard to explain, but something about being told, being ordered. Knowing that I would speak when I was told to. It’s hard to explain and the Sasha Fierce in me wants to fight it. However I can’t deny that it left me sexually charged all day long.
It left me feeling vulnerable and sensitive, but I knew that if I just barely touched my pussy I’d come instantly. My panties were soaked I found it hard to concentrate on much else due to the aching between my legs.
I think, however, that if we were together all the time- this adjusting period would land a frustrated and silenced me over his knee. A lot. I just think I might enjoy it more than he wants me too.
I’d have had the exact same reaction. Without ever seeing me or me saying a word, R would know that I had the “look” – jaw set in anger, hardened eyes, biting my tongue against saying “fuck you”.
I guess the bottom’s stick together here because I side with you and think he jumped too quickly into Dom attitude central.
But no one ever said I was an obedient sub! Perhaps that’s why I clash too much with 98% of Doms.
Lilly´s last blog ..e[lust] #1
I’m not in a D/s relationship so I can’t comment much on the dynamic, but it does seem to me it was just a misunderstanding as you said.
wow…
this is why i don’t think i could be submissive outside of the bedroom. being ordered around before/during sex would make me feel incredibly hot – but if i was in your position i’d just be as pissed off all day and probably would have either ended up wanting to fight with my top or would have just repressed the anger and became sulky/resentful.
maybe i’d just be a bratty sub.
and calling your dom out on being irrational is not ok? because you actually think for yourself and don’t blindly follow every order? that’s just stupid…
Wilhelmina´s last blog ..Review: Spartacus Wide Tip Bat
I have the same problem. I tend to get pissed, and I get mouthy and pouty and angry, and I’m left to stew. I like talking about things, and sometimes I want to just yell, “What the FUCK? *I didn’t even DO anything*!” And I can’t. It’s frustrating and hard, but that’s just how the dynamic works. In fact, I’m planning a post about the frustrations of being submissive, and all the things you have to swallow (pun intended).
Trust me, though, I *feel* you!
Britni TheVadgeWig´s last blog ..I Say Yes
Oh, and Wilhelmina, most Doms *don’t* want a sub to blindly follow and obey. But there are ways to question and call out your Dom, and there are ways not to do it. You have do it in a way that respects the dynamic that’s in place, and in a way that your Dom will be okay with.
Britni TheVadgeWig´s last blog ..I Say Yes
oh i know that one.. i guess you could be waiting for a few surprises the next time you meet up. cause there might be a tiny change in plans of how the show is gonna roll….
nitin´s last blog ..A new adventure.