check up
Later this month, I have my “annual” female check up. I say “annual” lightly because I haven’t had a pap smear every year. I haven’t had a pap smear in about 5 years- and this doesn’t mean I haven’t been to the doctor, I just haven’t been there for THAT. After my last son was born, I just haven’t needed birth control or anything, so I just blew off the annual exam that all women have hated since our first one. It never gets comfortable to have someone looking up your vag in a clinical sense. Honestly, it isn’t very comfortable for me to have someone just looking up my vag- ever.
While I’m there I will also get tested for STD’s. I got checked last year for all the ones you can find via blod test and I suspect I’m still all good- but it’s nice to feel certain. Of course this upcoming barrage of swabs and needles makes me think back on my activity and wonder. Safe sex, sure. I think all of us are ‘mostly safe’. Unless you are using condoms for oral sex, you’re never 100% safe. Honestly I don’t know anyone who does that. Completely free of fluids. We know I haven’t done that. It makes me think though… what if?
Of course any of us who had unprotected sex in the 80’s or 90’s have been somehow exposed to HPV and I’m not different. I have had abnormal pap smears that eventually produce nothing but a painful biopsy and a funny story about my OB/GYN who walked out of the room with the speculum in my vag- facing the door and he didn’t pull the curtain. Yeah that was a fun visit.
Last week on Oprah I saw a show where 10 women in their 50’s contracted HIV from a serial cheater who knew he was HIV positive. They put him in jail thankfully and I applaud them for coming out publicly. So this, and my upcoming Dr. visit puts thoughts into my head about what if I found out I had an STD. I’d like to assume that if I had something, I’d notice. Most women know when their stuff aint right- I usually do. If I had something treatable, like a mild case of chlamydia… should I make some phone calls, tell a few people- hey you better get checked out? Of course I would. At least the only ones I think I could have given it to, who are the same ones who could have given it to me. How do you have that conversation? Hey, how are you?? Yes the kids had a great Halloween. I got a new cat and chlamydia! I wonder if that would come across as funny as it sounds.
Probably not.
How many people would I have to call?? Everyone since the last time I got tested? Everyone I exchanged fluids with? What about oral? No, I’m not asking these question to you, dear readers, just in my head. How would I handle this situation. When Rock Hudson found out he was HIV positive, he sent out an anonymous letter to his lovers saying that they have been exposed. How would I feel if I ever got a letter like that?
How would you feel?
Getting that letter would result in panic for me. I’m sure I couldn’t get tested soon enough. I hope all goes well for you at the Dr’s.
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Like you, I practice “mostly safe sex” (no barriers for oral) and I have had one, far too real, far too stressful, scare. When I went into my doctor to ask to be tested, I didn’t get a lecture but I got a scornful look and, “Well if you have herpes you have it for life”. Thankfully, it was all a false alarm but I’ve never been so scared in my life and I asked all those questions and some.
Hopefully, everything is good on your end and you don’t need to worry about the “what ifs”
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You know, I always wonder if someone I was with found out that they had something, would they tell me? I know that I would go get medication or have it taken care of, especially if it was treatable, but would I tell someone else? Especially if it had been a random hookup? I don’t know.
In fact, I have a confession to make. I get cold sores, but I’d never gotten one until recently. I got my first one ever a little less than a year ago. So, at first, I didn’t know what it was. I was hooking up with this guy, and he asked if it was one. I said no, I thought it was a cut. Because at the time, I did. I went down on him (sans condom). I found out a few days later that it *was* a cold sore. It’s possible for herpes to be passed from lips to genitals, if there is mouth-to-genital contact. I never told him. I didn’t want to freak him out. But part of me has always wondered if there’s any way that I gave him genital herpes.
Or, you could always go this route: http://www.reuters.com/article/lifestyleMolt/idUSN1419876020080214?feedType=RSS&feedName=lifestyleMolt
Anonymous ecards! That way, at least you’re letting them know, you’re just not letting them know who they got it *from.* You can see a slideshow of all the ecards here: http://www.nytimes.com/slideshow/2009/01/19/health/012009-STD_index.html
Britni TheVadgeWig´s last blog ..Be Our Guest
I guess I was lucky in a sense – when I caught herpes it was clearly the fault of the idiot I was dating (who I was stupid enough to have unprotected sex with once – never again!) so I didn’t have to tell anyone.
And for those of you who don’t (to your knowledge) have herpes, it’s not the huge deal it’s made out to be. Seriously, in 10 years of having it I haven’t given it to any of my partners. When I get down about having it, I try to remember that it was a blessing in disguise – I could have just as easily caught HIV and herpes is a walk in the park compared to that. (It’s like the common cold of STDs, only unlike colds it recurs.) After getting it I’ve been super consistent with condom use and getting tested at least once a year.
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spooked is what i would be if i ever got some letter like that. its another thing that i would had hunted his ass down and slaughtered him just to feel better. but then again. lets not get carried away.. its a serious thought you have. it looks like it would be a good practice to follow a fuck system.. or maintain a info database with the time of occurance and only that.. guess it would help you back track.. but now since its been too many people and time i guess deductive analysis wont be of much help either ..
well the sound of tests and all scare the living shit outta me.. i take my health real serious.. and then this one would really be a missive cock block since it would be always on my mind. but wtf.. you gonna be ok.. its necessary to know it for sure. don’t skip the tests!
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Britni TheVadgeWig, I was reading your comment and thinking you have no reasons to feel worried or guilty about it.Cold sores are very common – I started having it when I was 4 years old!The virus responsible for a cold sore in the lips isn’t the same that causes genital herpes,so I think there’s no way you could have gotten him infected.
I found out recently that I’m infected with HPV.The doctor kind of scared me,and told me I should stop having sex to avoid this kind of drama…I cried and almost panicked when I found out that I had it.This happened a few months ago and I still feel «dirty» knowing there’s something wrong with me.I know it probably is no big deal and lots of women have it,but i’m worried all the time.It’s not a nice feeling…
Scary topic, glad that you put it out there! Going for my check up soon too, will be my first in a year since my son was born too!
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Excellent post, bbg.
Um, Britni… not to be a party pooper, but if the guy was concerned enough about a potential cold sore to ask about it, then he’d probably want to know and get tested. Even though the cold sore you had was undoubtedly from HSV1 (and true, that virus is super-common), it is absolutely possible to transmit HSV1 from mouth to genitals, despite what Anshi says. Again, different virus from HSV2, but it can still manifest genitally. Clearly it wasn’t your fault, or due to anything bad you did (you did think it was just a cut at that point after all), but regardless the ethical and kind thing to do would have been to tell him. I’m sorry, I know it’s a tough conversation to have.
Anshi, sorry about your shitty experience with the doc. For what it’s worth, virtually every sexually active person who’s had more than a handful of partners has some form of HPV (some being more serious than others). Getting an STD doesn’t ever mean that you’re a bad person or should feel guilty.
If I got a letter like that, I’d feel like my reality suffered an earthquake. Then I’d take action, get tested, get educated, figure my shit out.
I had a herpes scare a while back that was long these lines… http://thebeautifulkind.com/2009/04/24/herpes-scare/
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