how to connect when I’m disconnected
I’m feeling less than sexy lately. I’m feeling… blah…
I don’t think I’m going to stay with these dating sites when my month long paid memberships are done. I’ve recieved a total of over 500 emails, and I’ve sent over 150. Rarely did I send the first email. Some were more than once, obviously. I have been on 4 dates. #4 (the coffee date guy) and I have a second date scheduled. I have not met The Chef yet (the one with the eyes who I will not be meeting for coffee), but I will. We are having some scheduling conflicts, but he’s worth the wait, for sure. There’s another guy I talked to on the phone today, and we’ll see how that goes but I’m wondering if maybe it just happened at a bad time because right now I’m feeling a bit too detached to make a connection.
I just had something kind of personal happen to me this week- that is making me feel disconnected and sad. While part of me wants to deal with it by fucking my way through the emotional pain of dealing with tragedy. Actually meeting up with this dbags who email with things like “open wide” and “have some a dis!” and just pretend like I feel fine, and fuck many and often, until I feel nothing and move on. I know that I just can’t do that. I’m not THAT dead on the inside. This would be a good time to have some sort of relationship, even it if was with a friend I occasionally had sex with.
Part of me simply does not want to deal with this, because I just don’t know how. I tried to reach out to someone, maybe he was the wrong person, but really he was the right person, just for some emotional support, because, well- I thought I could. However, I guess I can’t. So I just don’t know what to do or how to deal right now. I think I’m kind of faking my way through this week because I feel kind of dead. I work with sick people, I live with a sick person. However this is different. This is death. I just don’t know how to… I just don’t know how.
My plans with The Chef fell through, and honestly, I’m kind of glad they did. Not because I don’t want to meet him, but because I’m emotionally and physically not present. I want to be present for him. I want to experience him. I think I even have a sex crush on him.
However, my heart hurts right now. I’m angry and confused and just sad. I’m going through the motions because life goes on, for now, apparently.
Hey John, Just calm down and take a few deep breaths… You sound to me as a person of substance. A real catch for anyone paying attention. Sincerity is becoming a lost art. I hope we come to that- later withouut missing a beat
Don’t rush your self and especially not you happiness… There are a lot of things, situations that don’t work out based purely on fucking up on communicating the details.
BB, hope things get better for you soon. I’ve been through the feelings you have expressed. eventually they will pass.
Good luck to you
fabkkss last blog post..Red Welt
I know it’s been said a million and a half times, but it is true.
Time heals all wounds.
That is one lesson that I’m still learning.
I feel for you. I wish I had the right thing to say or some sage piece of advice to offer to make you feel better but I don’t have anything. ((hugs)) I hope you start feeling better soon doll.
Amorous Rockers last blog post..If you’re out of direction…
So sorry to hear you are dealing with such hard times.
As was said earlier.. time does heal.
It is hard to believe at the moment.. but .. it does.
You will feel better!