smut writing and safe sex
I read this recent post over on Smut & Steff. In it, Steff mentions how she would like to see sex bloggers talking about the use of condoms in thier sexual encounter.
Sex bloggers make sex hotter, make it more ubiquitous and attainable. Bloggeurs de smut come in all shapes, sizes, incomes, styles, and genres, and they represent us. They’re real. But if they/we’re not talking about the supposedly unsexy things like condoms in a way that sensualizes them, then I feel they/we’re shirking some of the responsibility I think they/we need to uphold.
This is something I have noticed in many blogs, that the use of condoms is not mentioned. I don’t usually mention it either. I don’t know what other people’s reasons are, but here’s mine.
I don’t particularly love using condoms. Not because they ruin the sensation, because really they don’t that much, at least not for me. It’s not the time it takes, or the whole “it breaks the mood” because I’ve never had that be an issue. I don’t like them, generally because more often than not, I will get an infection if I am having a lot of condom sex. Like two or three days in a row, and I will get an infection of some sort. It sucks.
That being said, they are a necessary part of sex and I always have safe sex.
I practice safe sex.
t’s funny that I came across Steff’s post, because it came just one night after neither the smutpeddler nor I had a condom and we didn’t have sex.
“Do you have a condom,” I asked him.
“Oh my god- I don’t- do you.”
“Fuck. How can you NOT have a condom?”
Laughing, “I can say the same to you!”
So we fooled around quite a bit and to be honest, I didn’t really feel like we didn’t have sex. I knew though, that I cannot claim to be a responsible member of this community and then have unprotected sex with this guy the first time we’re together. He feels the same way.
A few weeks back I chatted with a guy who seemed to have a fetish for having unprotected sex. Um yeah, no thanks. I can’t even think about having any sex with a guy who has unprotected sex, and with multiple partners.
Can’t we take the preaching out of condom use and bring it back to being a bit sexy? I know we’ve all had those times when getting the condom on was actually half the fun. Isn’t it time we make that more known?
Do I practice 100% safe sex? I admit, no. I don’t use condoms for oral sex, nor have my partners ever used a dental dam when going down on me. Fluids are exchanged, so I wonder exactly how safe that is. I remember when I first started meeting guys, asking my sister “Do how do you handle the oral part?” She suggested that maybe I just don’t go down on my dates- just sex. Jeez- remember when sex was all the way?? Now it’s the safest thing you can do (with a condom) without putting yourself at risk. Swallowing is the new anal sex. You certainly can’t do THAT.
So will I start including in my writing that I do use condoms? Maybe, maybe not always. However- I will put a disclaimer at the end of my blog posts, or at least in the sidebar, that encourages the use of safe sex. I do feel its important- I always practice safe sex, I just don’t always say so, until now.
You seem to have an issue with Nonoxynol-9 (look it up on Wikipedia). While it is intended to be a spermicide, it can disturb the complex processes on your healthy mucous membranes.
Try non-lubricated, non-spermicidal condoms with your own water based lube you know.
ugh! same here, I ALWAYS get an infection after recurrent condom use…
*sigh*
This post was great! I’m glad you practice safe sex.
I can relate with the condoms causing issues though. I don’t get infections but I do have certain problems from them. Like, 5 years ago or so I was initially told by my doc that I was having an allergic reaction to whatever brand of lubrication was on the condoms and to switch brands. Which I did and still had the same problem. Now I’ve found a brand that doesn’t upset my sensitive skin and give me any grief. With my boyfriend, I don’t use condoms half the time but he never sleeps or fools around with anyone but me. I only play with other girls and I do that safely.
As far as sex bloggers never mentioning condoms, I don’t blame them. It’s hard to throw in a sexy something about slipping on a condom in the middle of a hot ass sex scene. I like the idea about the disclaimer about safe sex though. That rocks and good for you darlin.
I think it’s good to mention condoms (and safer sex in general) at times. Kudos to you and Steff.
(It never comes up in my blog as luvbunny and I are married and have never played with anyone else – so there is no need.)
Great post and a good reminder that condom use should be mentioned more often.
Hey, you could be part of the movement of bringing condoms back to being sexy and find ways to include them in your stories. ^_^
I have found it difficult to incorporate 100% safe sex in my sex writing. I do try my best to have my characters use condoms during sex unless it is well-established that they are monogamous, or polygamous but exclusive to each other. However, I have never written safe oral sex because, to me, it isn’t sexy. Also, I’ve never used protection during actual oral sex — which I know is not practicing safe sex, but still…
I’m sure that if a woman wanted to go down on me and insisted I wear a condom, I would do as she said. And I have no problem wearing condoms during intercourse or anal sex. But I absolutely love giving head, and I just can’t see myself using a dental dam because I would concentrate too much on it and not enough on the woman, I think. Plus, I’m down there to taste her, not to taste latex.
REKA SAYS: Top 7 Things Women Find MOST Unsexy In A Man!!!…
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