Why do I feel so insanely inept today? My thoughts are just jumbled and after two sentences everything I type starts to sound canned and ridiculous. I compare myself with others too often. I read the writings of others and wonder why I can’t be more articulate. Why do my words seem shallow? Artificial.

Garbage.

I need sex, but it’s so much more than that. It’s not the orgasm that I’m after. Give me 45 seconds and the Hitachi and I can have an orgasm. An extra 20 seconds and I will have TWO. It’s not that. My body does not need that physical release as much as I need the physical- and the release. I crave to simply surrender. Mr. Park and I will hopefully play this weekend if he can find the time. I hope that he will.

I am anxious to see what he has in store for me, as he has said that we will go farther next time. I am not sure what that means, but I hope it has something to do with his cock filling every single one of my holes. His hands connecting to my skin, wrapping his fists around my hair. I crave to hurt like that. I don’t want it sweet or soft, I don’t want a tender moment- just pressure and stinging against my tender skin. I want to cry out- wincing and whimpering in pain, but begging for more.

And there it goes… coherent thoughts are gone again…. I’m not even going to try.