I am sitting here trying out some clamps I bought on vacation. They are not very tight. They don’t give that delicious pain when you remove them, but they are distracting to have on while I sit here and type. It’s just enough to throw me a little off balance and force me to concentrate on what I’m doing. I wish I had these when I was writing papers for school.

He, who I will refer to as Ben (as in “Benefits”) said he would get me some new good ones. I told him I wanted him to go into the store, pick them out- handle them. Try them on. There is something really sexy, thinking about him picking out the pair that he thinks will be perfect for me. I know him, he may go to a few different stores looking for the right ones. Asking them to open the package and even clamping on himself.  Trying to be cool about the erection it gives him, and wondering why he wore the jeans that won’t hide his thick cock from showing from underneath.

He has both nipples pierced and in our time together I spent much of it tugging and biting on them.  Days later when we made out in a bar on the Lower East Side, I pulled on them under his shirt and ached at the way he hissed at me.  I can’t think about him without a mixture of feelings coming at me, and while I should be running for this hills- something about him is as easy for me as breathing.  

Being on vacation seems to have changed me.  Maybe you can sense it- but somewhere amidst the shadows of the city I seem to have found the eye of my storm.  While I am craving to find out more about what’s behind the new experiences I’ve had- at the same time I embrace them as learning experiences that I won’t ever forget.  

I don’t have to be ashamed, and I don’t have to explain.

I can just be.