My oldest son and I were driving in the car tonight and he was telling me about his afternoon with his cousins.

“Me and Rich were laughing cause Joe was using the leaf blower and keep talking about it blowing and we were cracking up and he didn’t know why. He said the blower was doing a good job and we just cracked up!”

I looked at him and kept driving like I didn’t know why it was funny.

“You know, mom? Blow and the other word after it, you know?”

“Yes I know why it’s funny. Do YOU know?”

He scoffed at me, “Yes MOM!” How dare I assume my 13 year old is not wise to the details of fellatio.

“How do you know?” The bile was raising in my throat. My kid is stupid enough to think I want to know everything, I braced myself the worst, even though I didn’t expect it. I fought the pictures out of my head of his really sweet ‘just a friend Katy’, on her knees and… oh God I think I might just hurl.

“Rich told me.”
(breathing again and I think the color was coming back to my face)

“So you know what a blow job is?” I asked him, wondering (and cringing at the thought of) how many 15 year old girls had sucked on my nephews 15 year old dick.

“Yes. I know. I know all about it.”

Now I laughed, “Oh- you know it all huh?”

“Yes I know all I need to know. Who needs sex education?”

I was now cringing at the thought that my sons first lover was going to fall victim to everything that Rich knows. Poor girl.

“Well you know honey,” I said calmly, “There is more to sex than just blow jobs.”

He was quiet for about 30 seconds. Thinking about what I had said, perhaps pondering what his mother might be able to tell him about sex. Maybe curious about what else could be involved. Then with the curiosity of a child, he looked me dead in the eyes…

“Hand jobs?”