I admit that I have not craved cock this bad since Z and I would meet on “blowjob mondays.” The longer I wait, the more I want it. The dirtier I get. I admit, he is the one I want to fuck. I am smitten with him, even though I know he’s wrong for me in every way except the one. I have no use for someone with a lifestyle like his, and I’m sure he is the same about me. Desire is just as strong an emotion as love, maybe even stronger and I know we are together on this. Somewhat blinded by that craving that pulls me from the small of my back. I suspect I will be unsatisfiable until I have him.

While the role of aggressor has been mine lately, he still gives me what I need for my mental fuck. He pushes me down on my knees. Grabs a handful of my hair and pulls me back and pushes his cock into my mouth. He knows what I truly crave and just how to give it to me. The oral sex that I get from the EX, even AFTER the gushing incident, is not enough to satisfy me. I need cock. I need thick hard flesh, pushing and stretching me open. Having the EX lick out my cunt is wonderful. He knows how to satisfy me most days and is willing to do it when I go so far as to ask, or in a case like today- in which I demanded it.

However, it’s the mental fuck that I want to complete me. I can give myself an orgasm. I can push into my body with any number of phallic substitutes and cum hard leaving me breathless and physically wasted. What I crave is for him to come and take me mentally as well. Break down my barriers, destroy my boundaries. It awakes me. It is the closest to free I can get. When my skin crawls with sex, it’s all I can taste. Flesh. Sweat. Cum. The scent of it burns in my nose, the hot smell of cunt and cock. It’s intoxicating. I see nothing but flesh. Every where I look, he is there. His hair, his stomach, his thighs, his cock. Consume my senses and fuck me mentally. That’s what I crave and he knows it.

I never knew how much I needed it, until he gave it to me and now I can’t get enough of it.