pre-teen confessions
My 12 year old told me that his friend got in trouble at home. “Something on the computer, but I don’t know.”
I knew he knew. So I asked him what happened, “Well he was looking at…something, but he didn’t say.” I prodded him further, telling him that he was not narcing on his friend if he already got in trouble for it.
“He was looking at porn. His mom checked his history.”
ouch. 13 years old. Porn. Apparently- LOTS of porn.
I asked First Born if he’s ever seen anything like that. On the computer. He said, “Well, just at his house. But it’s not like I’m staring at it. He shows us stuff he finds…. are you gonna tell my dad?”
First Born knows that I am the cooler of his parents. There is no need to freak out over the crap that we all do. It was weird though, knowing that my son has seen a naked girl/woman before. I played it cool though- because I knew this was a good opportunity for education.
“You know, First Born. I don’t think that is something you SHOULD be looking at- but obviously you have and I’m sure that as time goes by, you will. Sex is everywhere and there is nothing wrong with it. However you need to understand some things….”
First Born and I have not exactly had the ‘sex talk.’ We started to, a few times, but I admit- it creeps me out. It’s weird to think of discussing this with First Born, who is still such a YOUNG 12 year old. I don’t want him to be embarrassed to talk to me- or think that there is something bad or WRONG about sex, but that it comes with responsibility. Like driving a car. I also told him that I didn’t want him to have the wrong idea about women. I don’t know what websites he saw or what was going on in the pictures- but assuming the worst, I don’t want him to think that ALL women do the things he may have seen in the pictures. That no matter who she is, all women need to be treated with respect, and that if you ever push yourself upon a woman or make any unwanted moves on her- grabbing her, touching her, or whatever- I will not feel an ounce of sorrow for him if she kicks his nuts inside out.
Don’t- I repeat- DO NOT get your ideas about women and sex from internet porn.
(oh… and don’t go on my laptop…..)
*on your laptop*
*grin*
Just teasing. Seriously, it is good thing that you are smart about kids and porn. You may be interested in this book about relationships between sex and children. The authors bsuted many myths about harms done to children but at the same time give some thought-provoking tips on this topic.
a) that book is AWESOME! I read it for my sexuality and the law grad class and loved it. Highly recommended.
b) 12 is not too young to have that talk. If he’s not masturbating yet, he will be soon, and he needs to know it’s ok. Also, many 12 and 13 year olds are now sexually active…whether kissing to oral to anal or ???? My partner now because sexually active at 13. There are oral sex clubs in some 5th grade classrooms. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE talk to him about it, so he doesn’t get the wrong ideas/have issues later. It sounds like you’re doing a great job, but please let me know if you need resources…I mean, this IS what I go to school for
-Em
It puts you in quite a position, doesn’t it? I don’t have any advice, but it’s good to see he was comfortable enough to tell you about it. I think it shows he will listen to whatever you tell him about it.
My son will be the toughest of my kids… the girls were a breeze…we’ve already made sure we all stop walking into his room unannouced….same age….the joys of parenthood
Hehe. Those are always awkward situations. I think you handled it well. You are definitely trying to teach him the right things.
~~Good for you!
You handled that just right.
~~(^_^)~~
~x~Will.
I am soooo glad it was you instead of me hun… my talk will come with my boy soon enough. You did a damn good job.
~A
OMG,
My firstborn (daughter) is 11 and I am so dreading THAT talk. Any helpful hints will be greatly appreciated. And the dont go on my laptop is too funny
Sometimes they’re not as “young” as they seem… even to the cool parent!
Forewarned is forearmed, right?
“Good parent” or no, please continue to be as diligent as you are and remain in constant communication with anyone you love and care about – the “key” to ALL relationships.
As for the porn or what’s on your laptop… just remember, our responsibility is to teach our children ALMOST everything we know.
Mike
Leaving aside the fact that I wish you were my best freind’s Mum when I was twelve, award yourself a round of applause. It took me years to come to terms with my sexuality, and I’m hetro! The impact, for good or bad, of a role model of any sort in a child’s – and I don’t care if they’re called teenagers, they are still children – emerging sexuality cannot be underestimated. Mail me and I’ll share with you some personal anacdotes on the matter. And once again, Well Done.