Bad Bad Girl

Here’s some incentive not to forget.

It’s simply too late to talk about it.  I don’t even want to talk now.  Just push me and take me.  Take my pain by giving it to me.

Tied down and spread out- I wait for the strikes to come.  The sting and the pain, without any warning other than the general knowledge that it’s coming.  No touching, no talking.  Just a harsh finger pointing me down on the bed and the sound of the rope pulling through the loops as it attaches my wrists to the black wire bed frame.

I just can’t take anymore of the ‘real life’ they talk about.  It’s not worth it.  I surrender here.  Pain is my prayer and He is my salvation and I don’t give a fuck what anyone else thinks about it.  If you know, you know… if you don’t know- well, I understand why you don’t get it.

I don’t want to feel anymore.  My heart betrays me.  Everything I learned as a child was wrong.  It was a lie.  My father who hurt my sister, my step father who hurt me.  My mother who turned her back to all of it.  Men, dating, marriage- it’s all a bunch of bullshit that eventually comes crashing at my feet and I just can’t breathe anymore.  It’s too much.

So tie me up, Sir, I asked of him without any words.  To save me from the horrible things I want to do to hurt myself.  To be pulled from the edge of my own stupid misery before I do something irrational.  I hate being irrational- and while Bad Bad Girl is the one I have been hiding from, today I’m acutely aware of why she exists in the first place.  So punish me, and beat me today.  So I asked for him to beat my flesh until I bleed- because at least he appreciates my pain.  The strike of the cane, no build up and no warning.  I don’t even cry out- but arch towards it.  Breathing again.  Breathing in the physical pain and exhaling the emotional pain.

Again, I hear it cut through the air before it thwacks on my ass.  A shock runs up my spine, causing me to tilt my head to the side almost in defiance.  Go ahead, get the belt.  I don’t even care.  Push my hard limit and beat me until I cry and scream.  No there’s no negotiation and no safe word, because He knows.  He’ll break me down until my own hateful thoughts are quieted.  Across my ass until he sees the red welts come up, and then the skin breaks.  I almost moan out in a twisted ecstasy that excites and disturbs him.  He strikes again, watching the blood splatter a little.  Please don’t stop.

I  can feel it, and I can feel his own tears burning as they fall on my ass while he beats me.  He feels my pain too.  The moans turn to screams and cries, but I can’t tell if I’m screaming out loud.  I just can’t take much more of this ‘real life’ pain.  It’s overwhelmed me and beat me down.  I give up.

Work out my trauma.

Work out my issues.

Beat the fuck out of me because that is pain I can deal with.  Hurt me until I don’t feel anything else but my stinging flesh.  Then crawl over me- biting at the welts and fuck me.  Hard and violently.  A body made to serve?  Sure, be my guest.  Use this flesh because apparently the rest of me doesn’t matter anymore.  Is he my Master? or simply carrying the message of the men who lied and used and hurt me?  At this moment, my mind sees the latter. How is it possible that the ones who are SUPPOSED to love you, are the ones who hurt you the most.  There’s a reason I closed off my heart.  Beat me until the exposed nerves die.  Cover my mouth and nose until I can’t breathe anymore and my heart stops pumping the betrayal through my veins.  Fuck me until the flesh inside me is raw, the nerves are dead and I feel nothing.

Until I’m still and the demons are gone.  Gone forever.

Then kiss me.  Carry me away and bathe me.  Breathe life back into me and watch the welts, the blood, the demons… disappear into thin air.

If it were just so easy.

Look, an owl!!

It’s been a LONG time since I’ve done my favorite Saturday Morning Porn feature.  But I did come across this trailer for Bitchcraft 7.  It’s a bit on the hardcore side so be prepared for that.

I think after I watch it, I will need to go back and watch ALL the Bitchcraft movies.  Let me know if you’ve seen them.

Bitchcraft 7

enjoy!

It was the end of the evening and we were feeling relaxed and comfortable.  The play party had been fun and exciting and even educational.  I haven’t written too much about it and I will soon, I promise.  This however, was one of the highlights of the evening, and my homework this week was to write about it.

The large conference room was a comfortable setting where there was still some play, but mostly groups sitting and talking.  It was around 2AM and we were sitting on the floor at the side of the room.  The group was about 10 people, Sir and I included.  I was still in just my panties and a sweater, the corset having long been removed when we fucked earlier in the evening.  It was a bitch to get on the first time, I was not about to attempt it a second time.

The conversation was light and fun.  Sex toys, materials and different ways to use the same thing.  We all spoke highly of metal toys like the njoy and fun toys like smart balls and the Hitachi.  One of the guys Oblique, was talking to Sir about making toys, the Hitachi and the dimmer switch. I gave my input about the dimmer and how it’s been reported to not make it less strong, but just a slow incline between low and high. We all went back and forth between praising it and joking about it when Oblique started talking about the Modified Hitachi he made. He had set it to a box that gave it different settings, pulses, strength.

My hitachi slut ears perked up? Strength? He reported that it was about 20% stronger as he pulled it out of his bag. It was a box that was covered in blue and the settings were written in sharpie. Clearly this was the prototype, but we looked at it, turning it on and going through the settings. I can’t remember them all but the standard ones, the build up, or the fade out. slow and fast pulse. Then the steady one- high. Oh yes, it did feel a bit stronger in my hand. a little louder too.  I brazenly purred over it.

I was exhausted as it was now about 2AM, and I had been beaten and fucked and pushed to more orgasms than I thought a girl could safely HAVE in one day- but you know, this was a Hitachi. It’s the orgasm for dummies! Oblique said I was welcome to try it out. The crowd all agreed. I looked at Sir, feeling a bit shy, but then again- just 20 minutes sooner this very same crowd had watched Sir flog my thighs and my tits and my shoulders. We were all friends now…

“Go ahead Pet. Be a good girl.”

He moved so that I was sitting between his legs. He sat up and put one arm around me, his hand on my breast. The other hand was on the controller. We moved through the settings. Each of them getting a reaction from me- both physical and verbal, and sometimes a laugh from the crowd. The setting that started high and faded down, made me jump. You never quite knew WHEN it was going to start- and then it immediately started to fade down to nothing. Then BAM it starts again. The small crowd laughed and I felt Sir laughing with them. The setting that built up was nice. It didn’t build too slowly, but didn’t stay high long enough. “Just long enough to piss you off when it goes away,” I said. More laughter.

The intermittent pulses, the patterns, I didn’t care for but the steady fast pulse was nice. Not enough to get me to orgasm, but definitely enough to make me start to beg for the last setting. When he set it, my voice made a shocked, “ahh” that melted to an obscene gutteral “aaaauummm.” I felt Sirs other hand on my hip now and he leaned in and nibbled at my ear. I closed my eyes now, but wasn’t completely able to drown out the voices of the people talking. There was a “wow” and an “oh my..” It was the Hitachi alright, but a little more juice- and in front of a crowd. I let my legs fall open, where they were once bent and I leaned back into Sir. I wonder what he must have been thinking. His slut, and all these strangers watching her get off.

I let the big vibrating ball find it’s way to my sweet spot and I sunk down into it. My body starting to shake and tremble and my whimpers becoming moans and curses.

Oh fuck, fuck, fuck… oh my god. ohhh fuuuuuuuck.  yessssss yes oh fuck yess…..

My body bucked and my whole body trembled.  All I felt was the Hitachi in my hand and Sir’s hand still firmly on my breast.  The rest of me was me was hot liquid.

I kept my eyes closed while I recovered and the “oh my god” that came out of someone’s mouth reminded me that there were people watching me.  I opened my eyes and giggled sweetly.  ”Oh hi!”  I said outloud.  Everyone laughed.  One guy said, “That was re-eally hot!”

I leaned back and Sir took my mouth in his, kissing me.  Proud of his girl.

HNT Courtesy of Having My Cake And Eating It Too

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Exposing My Self to Airport Security – I stared right at her until she looked away and called for assistance for a pat-down search. I gaped, chin dropped: holy shit, they’re gonna give me a pat down cuz I’m packing a silicon cock.

Prefect’s Prerogative – When I neglect this duty, or don’t perform it to his satisfaction, he makes me light a fire in his room, and stand in front of it in just my school shirt and white socks.

Attention Women: There is Something Wrong With Your Vagina – Yes, that’s what your vagina needs: a breath mint. Because, just like vagina shouldn’t smell like vagina, it also shouldn’t taste like vagina.

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Zipless- “I have some Scotch in my room—maybe you’d join me? You know, in the interest of not drinking alone…” She smiled. Perhaps she could yet salvage the day’s ending.

See also: Pleasurists #61 for all your sex toy review needs.
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Sir: What’s the problem?

BBG: I’m just having trouble focusing today, Sir.  I have so much work to do.

Sir:  Pet, we talked about this.  No more late nights!  Get off of Twitter.  Put your nipple clamps on so you can remember who owns you.  Get to work, be my good girl.

BBG: I left the clamps at home, Sir.

Sir: I ASKED you to pack so you had everything!  You know you are supposed to have your clamps and your plug at all times.

BBG:  I know that, Sir.  I forgot.

Sir:  Fine.  Rubber bands or binderclips… I want something on those nipples in 15 minutes

BBG: I’m sorry, Sir.

Sir:  Don’t be sorry- make it happen, slut and then get back to work.

He didn’t ask for a photo, but I knew he would want it.  I wasn’t about to test THAT loophole.

After I sent it, he sent me a text:

I believe you have your HNT for this week.  You can cross THAT off your list.  Now get back to work!

And if you are wondering- I wrapped the rubber band 4 times and it hurts like a bitch in a nipple-clamp-good way.  Taking it off, hurts like a bitch in the nursing-baby-biting-your-nipple-BAD kind of way.

Happy HNT.

Sometimes the pretty lingerie is nice, but when you’re completely naked, it’s good to have just a little something extra.

Peek a boo.

Just a little extra something.

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday.

So one thing that I did in Boston was attend a convention.  Before you get all excited (or maybe you really WILL) get excited, it was a sci-fi/ fantasy convention.  Yes….  it’s true.

We only went for one day but there was three (or four) days of sci fi geekery and people walking around in costumes and other cool get ups.  I was quite impressed really and it was fun to get dressed up.  My outfit was not really anything that I would call ’sci-fi’ or ‘fantasy’ ish although I suggested I could go dressed as a 50’s housewife, carrying around a pie.  That’s pretty ‘fantasy’ for me.

Anyway- we put together an outfit that consisted of a black velvet skirt, long velvet gloves (that were too long) and this corset from Tabu Toys.   I also had a cute little pillbox.  I looked very much like a saloon girl.  However, I did look hot- and I felt hot even if I wasn’t in a full victorian corset or you know, painted like an avatar.

The Allure Victorian Corset is truly a gorgeous piece of lingerie.  It holding you in the way a corset should, nice boning but somewhat movable… unless you needed to bend at the waist.  That was not going to happen.  I was a little too short for the shoulders, so my strap kept coming off my shoulder.  Sir said it added a little bit of sex appeal.  I don’t know about added sex appeal, but it’s so typical that not matter where I am, I’m the slut with her bra strap hanging off of her shoulder.

It has busks in the front and laces up in the back.  It’s just a regular cording, not any pretty ribbon.  It could be dressed up with a nicer ribbon or some thin hemp rope.  All night I was tempting Sir to just cut the damn thing off of me by the cording in the back.  It would be easy to replace!!

Also you can see some fancy thigh high stockings in the picture.  Well, you sorta can.  This are supposed to stay up on their own, but really- had I been without the skirt, it would have made more sense to use the garters that the corset came with.  They just didn’t stay up.  Not at all.  They never do.  Unless there is so much elastic that you are cutting off your circulation… thigh highs just don’t stay up on big girls.  It’s just a fact of big girl life.  It was ok though- the skirt was long and nobody noticed!!

I did not see this corset on the Tabu Toys website in any other size than XL.  It fit me almost perfectly, besides the straps.  I’m short, what can I say.  There is no underwire, but my cleavage did not suffer one bit.  It actually turned out to be perfect and I did get many compliments on it all night long.

Thanks to Tabu Toys for recommending this gorgeous corset for me.  It was quote a hit at the Sci Fi Convention!!  The geeks have good taste!!

Once inside- we but my bags down and he showed me around. Lots of stairs and doors and I wondered how I would remember how to get to the bathroom. I put my things down and removed my clothes as instructed while Sir sat in his chair. It was a big red chair that seemed like it would be a comfy place to relax at the end of a long day.

I walked to him and reached for the pillow he bought for me. I plopped it down on the floor and sat down between his legs. Resting my head on his thigh. I curled my arm under his leg and rested, reminded myself of the words from a dear friend and lover in his first experiences in submission.

“I still remember the strobe and the smoke, the first time I got up the nerve to kneel and cautiously wind my arm up my lovers leg like a pet, like an acolyte- like a slave.” -Giacomoslegacy (fetlife)

My friend and I had spoken a lot about his years as a collared slave. I was always intrigued by his stories and I know he will be interested in my journey. While my time here was short, I was in it for all I could give. Sir stroked my hair gently and we spoke in low tones. Soaking in the moment. Feeling it.

In the 9 weeks we spent apart, we spoke a lot about power dynamics and things such as this. Things that showed my submission that were simple but meaningful. I was more than willing to DO them, but not exactly sure how I would feel. Who knows if it was simply a fantasy becoming reality?

Then he said, “Kneel Up Pet, I have something for you.” He got up from the chair and I knelt on my knees, hands behind my back like I had learned in my Kink Academy videos. He kissed me and then closed my eyes. I heard him moving about the room and I struggled to keep my balance. After a few minutes of him looking around for what he had misplaced, I asked if I could sit on my heels for fear of falling. He allowed this, just as he found what he was looking for.

I smelled the leather before he put it around my neck. It felt heavy and thick and as soon as he wrapped it around my neck and buckled it in back, my shoulders dropped and I exhaled heavy. He helped me to my knees, and walked me to the mirror. “Open your eyes, Pet.”

I smiled wide, but fought back tears. It was beautiful, simple and truly perfect. A black on black thick collar with a ring and loop hanging down. For all the options, he knew that I would be cute and girly about flashy colors and things, but he knows me. He knows what kind of a girl I am, what kind of woman. Not flashy, not cute. This was not a symbol of some distorted self image. This is who I am, and what I am to him.

It is his promise. His commitment to me. It’s a physical symbol of trust and honesty and communication. It was something we spoke about. Something we both believed would mean something, but maybe we weren’t sure what. To me, it meant everything. It meant that this was not just a weekend trip for sex. It was not just some casual D/s play weekend. No, this means that I am his. That he wants me to be his- and that he is not afraid to show it.

He also gave me a very special “charm” to clip on to it. It was just a fun and playful light that was a motion sensor so you could see your pet in the dark. It is adorable cute. I wore my collar most of the weekend. To the convention we went to, to lunch, ice cream, to the play party- where he also led me on a leash.

He hooked the leash to me now, and led me to his bed. All of my movements were controlled by the leash or my collar. He pulled me where he wanted me to go- yanked my collar to reposition me on the bed, on his cock, on my back. He tied me down and beat my skin until I was pink and flushed. Finally when I was vulnerable, humbled and owned, Master climbed between my legs and fucked his collared slut for the first time.