Poked HNT

I went to a play party last weekend. My first since the break up. It was a scary and emotional night but I was determined to go.

I played with a friend who completely understood my hesitations. The play was very dramatic for me, fighting back tears and memories even while I allowed my body to experience it’s catharsis under the impact and fear.

He collects Wartenberg Wheels- and I admit that I love them. He sliced them over my body like an artist on canvas. I melted into my restraints and and purred like a kitten- or at least that’s what it felt like.

Then he pulled the needle hammer from his bag. The repetitive tap-tap-tapping against my breasts. The sharp sting, the scent of fear, and the lovely broken skin and droplets of blood.

Sigh….yummmmy

It was a great night.

Happy HNT!

Posted in: Erotica by badbadgirlx 5 Comments

Tits and Ass…

Because I needed a little bit of encouragement- and lets face it, I wanted the attention…  so I asked what my friends on Twitter wanted to see today.  Tits or Ass.

I got some @ replies, and some DM’s.  A decent mix of votes for both.  MOSTLY Tits from the boys and Ass from the Girls.  Anyway- since I had a pretty decent day and I was lucky enough to get good pictures of both, I have tits AND ass for you.

Happy HNT…

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday!!

Posted in: Galleries by badbadgirlx 20 Comments

My body is calling

My body is calling.

Days, weeks, months since the release I need has been given.  An orgasm is one thing, but it’s just like bland food.  Enough to settle my stomach but not enough to soothe my soul.  My body craves the destruction.  The eyes that burn like cigarettes.  The ripping sensation of the kiss.  The tingling of impact.  The soft caress of leather.  My cunt needs the razor sharp entry and the ragged thrusting.  My body is screaming at me to answer it’s call.

My brain needs peace, however.  My heart needs solitude.  The loud cry of silence.  The screaming noise of lonliness.  After years of relationship accidents, it’s time that my license is suspended.  I must crawl in the ocean of myself and reteach my heart to swim.

My body is calling, but I will not answer.  Not yet.

Quiet down, dear flesh.

I will get to you in time.

Written for the #journaling game submission for @sensualstories.

Posted in: Erotica by badbadgirlx 1 Comment

Fetish Fantasy Glow in the Dark Bondage Kit

Ok yes, it’s kinda silly.

Glow in the Dark.

All glow in the dark things are silly.  Did you ever see that movie Skin Deep?  The scene with the glowing condoms?  Funny right?  Think of being a kid and going into a dark closet so you can see your suberball all glowing?  Or even the theme park rides when your white shirt, teeth and shoelaces glow?  It’s fun?

So who says you can’t have a little fun with your BDSM toys?

I can hear some hard core enthusiasts turning their noses up.  And Ok, I get you.  This review is NOT for you.  This review is not for you if you own REAL hand cuffs, leather flogging tools, or really anything with spikes, or rope.  This is for the married couple who wants to have some fun- try out something new.  This is for the noobs- the VERY noobs who want to do something different but don’t want to spend a fortune on something that you might use just once.

It might also be good for some humiliation play if the dungeon that you frequent is dark.

It was not possible to take a photograph of them, glowing in the dark.  It just didn’t work.  My camera skills are just not that good, but they do glow in the dark- a nice bright green.  It also comes with some body paint which was fun too.  They cuffs themselves are pretty strong, but I am certain if you REALLY struggled against them, you could tear them.  They cuffs are made of rubber.  They are not for a serious fighter, but are good enough to hold you in place.  The ball gag is a hard plastic with holes, so you can breathe thru it.  Also great for beginners and what I will probably use most often from this set.  I don’t love that the strap on the gag is also rubber.  I’m picturing drool, and the rubber- it might cause for some irritation.  Not the best combination, they might have done better with just strap material if they wanted to keep it inexpensive.

It’s a fun little kit from PinkCherry.com.  Definitely not for experts, assuredly for noobies who want to try something new and have fun with it.  There’s NO way to be too serious when you have a glow in the dark gag in your mouth.

Now go off, and have fun!!

PinkCherry Sex Toys

For the love of butt plugs – Bob from Babeland

Ever since I got it, I have been absolutely in love with my nJoy Pure Plug. However, a month or so back, after some recreational substance and a bit of… ummm… vigourous squirming, I got injured by it.  Don’t ask- it was not good.  I have yet to use it again, not because I’m afraid of it, just cause I’m afraid of ‘reopening the wound’.  Ok, now really forget it.

I did recently get this nice butt plug from BabelandThe Bob.  It’s a Prostate toy, intended for men.

<looks around> heh, it looks like I lost my test subject.  So up my butt it goes!!

What I liked:

The material.  I really love the hi grade silicon that it’s made out of.  Smooth, soft.  No weird smell.  Lelo makes an amazing line of products, all very high grade materials and the packaging is awesome.  It always looks like there’s going to be a fancy watch inside.

The size.  Size: 3-3/4″ x 1-1/4″ (at widest point).  It went in very easily.  It wasn’t scary and there was no fear of “oh my god – really?”

Once inside, it was pretty comfortable.  I felt that the base sat ‘lower’ between my cheeks than the njoy does, but it didn’t make it any less comfortable to sit on.  The material is soft, no pointy edges, thankfully.  smooth against your skin.

It was quite nice inside me.  It didn’t give me that REALLY full feeling, but was certainly pleasurable.  If I HAD a prostate, I think I’d like the way it fit inside me.

What worries me:

I’m used to the very large bulb on the Njoy.  It did make me worry that it was going to slip out.  It didn’t however, but made me very AWARE of it while walking around.  And no, I didn’t try to force it.  Always always ALWAYS play with anal toys with a flared base.  Trust me.  Slipping out is one thing, but you never want one to slip IN.

NO. Never.

It’s almost impossible to compare this with the Njoy Plugs.  The nJoy plugs are a different breed of ass toy.  Not really for beginners.  I think this Lelo Bob would be great for beginners and those who are not ready to carry ‘weight’ in thier ass’.  I think this is a pretty great butt blug and I’m sure I will be using it often.



Couture Masseur Vibrator from Adam and Eve

I got this cause it was cute, I admit it.  It sort of looks like a mouse for my computer.  It is one of the newer items in  Cal Exotics Couture vibes which I have been pretty decent.  I had hopes for the Couture Masseur Vibrator.  It looks shiny and sturdy.  The shiny made me reminiscent of the regular silver bullets that I always love.

Unfortunately, it didn’t exactly come with the oomph of the silver bullet.  It is nice, easy to use.  Its a nice size- I admit sometimes the bullets make my poor fingers cramp up and this one uses your hold hand.  That was nice, but it just wasn’t quite strong enough for me.  Now, understand that I’m a Hitachi whore.  Anything less WILL get me off, but takes much more than just the physical vibrations.  With porn, a partner or some dirty talk- sure- this did the trick.  Hell, with the right porn, partner or dirty talk just about anything will get me off.

The description also said that it’s good for sore muscles.  This WAS true.  I did use this on my neck and shoulders.  The vibration was enough to feel good on an aching neck, but didn’t make my eyeballs rattle.  Don’t you HATE that!!  However, I think if you are going to Adam and Eve’s site for a neck massager, well, you are probably spending too much money- if you want a nice clit vibe- you can run the gamut of the handy bullets, or go for something from the line by Natural Contours  (you can type in Natural Contours in the Search box).  This vibe?  It was alright, but for the price I think you could find something you might like better.  Look around over at Adam and Eve, they’ve got some amazing stuff for great prices for all levels of toy lovers.

Sex 365 from Sextoy.com

I love sex books.  Ever since I picked up my first erotica novel I have been in love with reading about sex.  It was no shocker that I grew to love dirty magazines where I could not long read about sex but look at pictures too. No more trying to imagine what it means where “her leg is on his shoulder.”

So this book Sex 365 is a book of positions.  365 of them, duh.  It’s not really a raunchy book, but just shows some interesting positions.  I had fun going thru them and thinking, “Oh I’ve done that.” and “I saw that in a movie once.”  and there were the obvious, “how is that even possible?” or “oh he needs to have a big dick for that!”

The funny thing is that all the picture were against a white background and many of them require a bed, a couch, or some sort of platform, but those have been removed from the photographs so some of the pictures look like they are sort of suspended in mid air.

The Elevator Shaft

See there’s supposed to be a mattress or something there, right? She’s not FLYING?!?

The Swan Dive

Either she’s off the edge of the bed or his cock is shaped like a hook and she’s actually dead.
See what I mean?  It’s a fun little book and I think it would be a lot of fun as a coffee table book for a dirty party of maybe something fun you can pull out when you and your lover have had a drink or two and want to have some fun.  It’s always interesting to try new positions.  You just never know until you see it up close right?
Check out more books, DVD’s and Sex Toys over at SexToy.com

Open wide. ~Magnifique from Eden Fantasys

Make sure you spread your legs very wide when you cum the first time and think about it.

Yes I will.

Good Girl.

I smiled as we said goodbye and then quietly slipped into the next room.  I thought of the conversation I had just had, the excitement of some online play with someone new.  Always sort of fun as the back and forth talk turns into some mild flirting and turns into me, biting my lip while waiting for the next line to pop up on my screen.  I don’t feel ashamed about online play anymore.  I used to be kind of weird about it- but over time, I have  met people who are very very good at it.  Who know just what to say and how to say it, and it makes me think… well, this certainly isn’t HIS first time.

I lie down in my bed.  I was horny before we started chatting, but the simple teasing words made for a fun game for me.  I didn’t ask that many questions, just listened to his weave a nice little story in my head while I responded with moans and purrs and a few questions to clarify the intent.

I opened my legs wide, knees bent and pressing against the bed.  My thigh muscles stretching as if bound down.  The vibrator on my cunt was warm and inviting- however, my legs open in this way made it a bit harder for me to cradle around the vibrator.  My legs closing to something more comfortable, I remember his instruction- and smiled, knowing exactly now- why he gave that specific instruction.

very clever.  wicked wicked man.

I opened my legs again wide, as if held down by hands- grateful that some of my flexibility had come back.  It made for several ‘close’ and ‘almost’ moments but I fought to have my pleasure and stay with my legs in the position they were supposed to  be.  The vibrator is not as strong as the hitachi, not by a long shot, but its more of a humming sensation which I can say is more like a tongue bath verses a ‘lashing’- if you know what I mean.  I kept it on the same speed, knowing that this was a vibrator that was not going to just GIVE.  Sometimes you need to work for it to enjoy it.  I love the way that the hitachi delivers orgasms like the UPS man brings boxes from QVC, reliably and on time.  However this one was not supposed to come so easily.  He didn’t want it coming to me so easily.

I smoothed the head of the vibrator over my clit- around it in slow warm circle, imagining his voice in my ear, “Are you ready?  Can you do it?”

The orgasm was a struggle- but finally came with me rocking my hips up towards it, my legs pressed open hard against the bed and shaking- rubbing my clit against the smooth humming material and melting into the deliciousness of it all.  finally.

Sex toys - EdenFantasys adult toys store

love and light

Oh God, it’s really over isn’t it?

And finally, the realization hit me- hard.  Its time,  baby, I told myself.   It’s time to stop being angry, confused, desperately hopeful.  It’s time to stop trying to be perfect thinking he will come back.  Baby, he aint coming back.  Baby, he was leaving before you knew it.  It wasn’t your fault.

It’s time to let it go.

With that, I fell apart- for what I hope will be the last time.  A good hard screaming wailing cry.  And when I stopped, I actually felt different.  Maybe not ‘better’ – but different.  A bit relieved like the fatal end of a long illness.  Now I just feel sad.

sad: (adj.) affected by unhappiness or grief; sorrowful or mournful

It doesn’t hurt to think about him, and it doesn’t hurt to think back on the wonderful times we spent.  We had a lot of fun.  I think we learned a lot about ourselves.  Now, I just feel sad.  Sad that something I cared so much about, is over.  Sad that the future I thought we might have, won’t be happening.  I have no doubts that we will remain in each others lives, just as something different.  WHAT that different may be… I have no idea.

Last night, I read this to him- not even trying to fight back tears.  It’s from the book, Eat, Pray, Love and it somehow comforts me.  It makes me feel hopeful that things happen for a reason.  I know that when I am done being sad, I will truly be able to appreciate what happened, and just how amazing it was.

“But I really loved him.”

“Big deal. So you fell in love with someone. Don’t you see what happened? This guy touched a place in your heart deeper than you thought you were capable of reaching. I mean you got zapped, kiddo. But that love you felt, that’s just the beginning. You just got a taste of love. That’s just limited little rinky-dink mortal love. Wait till you see how much more deeply you can love than that. Heck, Groceries – you have the capacity to someday love the whole world. It’s your destiny. Don’t laugh.”

“I’m not laughing.” I was actually crying. “And please don’t laugh at me now, but I think the reason it’s so hard for me to get over this guy is because I seriously believed David was my soul mate.”

“He probably was. Your problem is you don’t understand what that word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just can’t let this one go. It’s over, Groceries. David’s purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of your marriage that you needed to leave, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you had to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it. That was his job, and he did great, but now it’s over. Problem is, you can’t accept that his relationship had a real short shelf life. You’re like a dog at the dump, baby – you’re just lickin’ at the empty tin can, trying to get more nutrition out of it. And if you’re not careful, that can’s gonna get stuck on your snout forever and make your life miserable. So drop it.”

“But I love him.”

“So love him.”

“But I miss him.”

“So miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think about him, then drop it. You’re just afraid to let go of the last bits of David because then you’ll be really alone, and you are scared to death of what will happen if you’re really alone. ….”

“But I wish me and David could —“

He cuts me off. “See, now that’s your problem. You’re wishin’ too much, baby. You gotta stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone oughtta be.”

So now comes the very hard task of actually moving forward.  The complicated, heart wrenching and seemingly impossible (at least to me) task of ‘undoing’ the mental conditioning that came along with my submissive training.  I know this situation has struck fear in the hearts of many submissives and brought back painful memories for some who have been in this very scary place.  What in the hell do I do now?

I have gotten a LOT of advice that I should cut all ties.  With him and with our mutual friends.  That it’s too painful- when the internet is really NOT that large.  We have some of the same internet circles.  His friends have become my FAMILY.  Should I walk away from that?  Sometimes I think that might help- the constant reminder of a life that is no longer mine can sometimes be like a knife in my windpipe.  Then I think, how much more loss must I suffer?  These friends are not taking sides.  They care about us both and have not turned their backs on me at all.  Truth be told, I really think he may just be asking them, can you check on her…?

I have considered getting off of twitter, quitting writing on this blog and completely shutting down for a while.  Nobody wants to listen to me carry on forever about my broken heart right?  But then I go thru my emails, my comments and my twitter DM’s, text messages and facebook emails.  So many people who have reached out to me.  So many friends, and complete strangers.  Dom’s, Subs and just ‘people’ who have hurt or have been hurt.  A broken submissive heart is still a broken heart and perhaps my lamentation touched the souls of at LEAST as many people that it may have annoyed.  Perhaps I simply need to reach out as that is the only way I will heal.  I am grateful that he has not once tried to silence my pain.  He’s never tried to stop me from speaking my sadness.

So I move on, not as a submissive, but as the smart mature strong woman that I know that I am.  I will credit him with changing me.  Changing the way I see myself.  While I am weakened, I know that he helped to make me stronger.  While I am wounded, I know that he helped to heal me.  I am certain of it- it’s just hard to see right now.

I don’t plan on feeling ‘better’ any time soon- but at least I don’t feel like I’m dying.  At least I don’t want to crawl into a hole and I really HAVE given up any thoughts of throwing myself at his feet and begging him to come back.  Really, I have.  And yes, I admit, I did consider that too.

So I will love him, and I will miss him.  I will send him love and light, and then drop it.

Thank you for sharing you thoughts and stories with me.  It helps, more than you can imagine.

-bbg

Posted in: Erotica by badbadgirlx 7 Comments , ,

my secret games

I miss Daddy.  I miss the safety that comes with those scenes.  It was always something so far outside of the norm that it was easy to role play after the first few times.  I find that while I can have orgasms lately without bursting into tears- my mind usually wanders back to Daddy.  Back to that place where I needn’t have any shame and I’m simply safe and protected and loved.  Yes, it’s a fantasy now…

The fantasy is usually more graphic and a bit more hardcore than the way that we played.  Fantasys usually are.  However they usually include me referring to myself as Daddy’s dirty little girl and coming so hard that it makes my head spin.  I do miss hearing his voice, that warm comforting voice that so often worked me to the edge of orgasm before I even touched myself.  I miss the way we knew just what to say to push it over the edge.

This morning was no different except we were having a nice chat about things not related to sex at all.  One of my favorite games to play was to try to seduce Daddy when he was not paying attention to me.  I would climb on his lap and nibble on his ear, grinding against his cock while he would work and pretend not to notice me.

Daddy please play with me…

So this morning while he we texted about mundane topics like daily chores- I rubbed my Hitachi against my cunt and imagined myself riding on Daddy’s cock while he pretended not to notice me. Every time he would text again it excited me even more- as I never really know which text would be the last.  I wasn’t exactly sure what he would think of my activities, so I dropped a hint to what I was doing to which he very diplomatically replied with a smile.

I shoved my fingers in my cunt and put the phone down so I could come… I heard one, then two more message notifications before I came.  My fingers soaked in my cunt, rocking my orgasm.  “Mmmmm Daddy….”

What he was saying, was for me to have a nice day and that he’d talk to me later…

but that didn’t really matter, now did it?

Posted in: Erotica, Fantasy by badbadgirlx 1 Comment ,