Bad Bad Girl

I remember it like a dream

Resting between my legs, soft kisses to breasts, exchanged with hard slaps, bites, and then soft caresses again.
Everywhere he struck, he would also kiss.
My face, my breasts, my thighs.

The conflicting sensation of pain mixed with the carefully places kisses. His hands on my skin. A… feather?
But then something else, something hard but pliable. What was it, a paddle?
It didn’t matter when it connected against my pussy. I cried out, whimpered.

Moaned.

Next time was harder and then replaced by his fingers stroking the area. He commented on how wet I just got.
He opened my pussy, exposing me. His precision with his instrument was dead on, and three strikes each one harder than the one before. It was fast and painful. And loud. The material against my wetskin made a louder and more pronounced “thwack!” and the words “oh god” escaped my lips and there was a pleading in my voice that charged him.

Lingerie from EdenFantasys

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday!

Ok now that I have your attention.  Let me direct your eyes to the really awesome red bag.  Look again- there’s a RED BAG.  See it??  Well.  That’s an Adult Toybox from For Your Nymphomation.  It is just ONE of the bags I have from FYN that I love.  It’s a sturdy locking case.  One side has pockets and the other has straps to slip your toys under.  Do you have little ones?  Or parents visiting for the holidays?  Do you need  a place to lock up your porn, but you just want to keep it next to your bed?  These are the answer.  A must have or all your pervy storage.

Yes, I know it’s crazy sleek and sexy- but look at the girl holding it!!!  The Flogger Case is perfect to take to your play parties.  The one I got was the 22 inch case, but what I really need is the 42 inch case.  That would hold my cane, my flogger and some rope.  This one is also lockable with the glow in the dark logos on the zipper.

For Your Nymphomation carries a great line of bags that can be used for all of your pervy storage needs.  I had the pleasure of meeting Vera, the dildo bag queen last year in NYC and seeing her again this year was equally fantastic.  She’s a great gal with a great company that sells GREAT bags.

Oh- and whats on MY holiday wish list this year from FYN??

in black please?!?!

Lilly had one of these in NY and I think it would be great to have something small and compact to hold my keys, my cell phone, credit cards and a few other small”essentials” and just carry it around my wrist.  And the front pocket- thats for condoms!

or this:

WANT!

When she was younger, she signed her name with a heart at the end of it. It was a part of her signature and somehow part of her personality, the way girls make circles instead of dots over their “i’s” or big dramatic swoops that underline their whole name. Perhaps, it was her own declaration of love and openness. Why she did it is not as important as why she eventually stopped.

It was this knowledge that made him choose this symbol for which to mark her. Cutting her skin and watching the blood drip from her thigh. It was not deep, and would heal, much like the rest of her. However it would be there. This jagged scar that she would see every time she removed her pants or lifted her skirt for another man. Every time someone rested a hand on her thigh, she would know it was there. He was branding her.

“Hold still, little girl,” he said, as he made the point at the bottom and turned his blade back upwards to complete the heart on her tender skin. She trembled and her thighs quivered, but each motion of the blade sent fire through her. It was as if he was letting sex pour from her body, with each controlling stroke of the blade. “Almost done, pet.”

When he finished, he sprayed an antiseptic on her wound which made her scream and start to cry. “You’re mine now.” The pain started to subside and was replaced with trust and openness. She looked up at him, her makeup streaming down her face. Yes, she was his and she allowed him to mark her to prove it.

He put a bandage over the bleeding heart and patted it gently. “Daddy’s here.”

For the MicroFantasy Monday theme, Symbols.

On Friday I have learned a few things about myself in regards to my new D/s relationship.  I will explain one, then the other.

First off, I do not like being in trouble.  It stems from childhood I guess when I think I was always on the wrong side of whatever I was supposed to be doing.  I don’t know that I ever identified as rebellious, never spoiled, but sometimes I just wanted to see what I could get away with.  Going into adulthood and learning a few hard lessons in maturity, I learned that you cannot GET into trouble without hearing it from ’someone’.  It’s very hard for me to take the lecture that I know I have coming.  I much more prefer to just have the transgression acknowledge and we move on, quietly. Thank you.  No, we don’t HAVE to talk about it.  As a matter of fact, lets NOT talk about it.  Of course that is not always the way it works in the real world, and certainly not the way it works with Him.

Personally, I felt He overreacted as it was a misunderstanding in timing etc.  We were texting at work.  I sent a text and was in the middle of another one right afterwards.  I heard a new text come in, but I was typing so I didn’t read it.  Then someone walked in to my office.  So about 4 minutes later- I finished my text which I thought was funny and cute:  ”Will trade cheesecake for fisting.”

I sent it, and then read the text that he sent me.  It was that he needed to get back to work and so should I.  Another minute later- he sent me another text, scolding me for ignoring his text.  We discussed some things in regards to distraction (that we are trying to help each other with) and he somewhat (ok TOTALLY) put me in my place.  Ending this text with something along the lines of “You need to behave.”

ummmmmm…. hello???

I responded, playfully, with “*pouts*”

His reply came back, “I’m serious (first name).  No pouting.  I told you this was important, why didn’t you listen?”

ok…. really….. WHAT??

I wanted to call him and say, “Um- excuse me Sir, no disrespect, but… are you fucking kidding me?”  I wanted to argue back with him because I was still a bit unsure what had just happened.  One moment I’m making cheesecake in exchange for his fist in my pussy and then next moment… wait a minute…

Did he just FIRST NAME me?

He calls me a lot of things- sweet things, sometimes dirty things.  But he has never pulled out my first name.  We discussed what would get my attention fastest as our names and titles for each other change with the conversation- but he FIRST NAME’d me?

Are you fucking kidding me?

I didn’t respond to his text- I did like I was told.  I got back to work.  I was irritated though.  It wasn’t my fault that he was running behind his schedule.  It certainly wasn’t MY fault that he slept until 11AM!?!?  He had been on twitter and taking personal phone calls all morning.  We had not been talking long, why was this MY fault that he was behind schedule??  I was frustrated but I didn’t argue. Something told me is was best not to and I was taking time to craft the backfire from me that would eventually come. Oh, and it was going to!

About 5 minutes later I got a DM on Twitter:

If you are busy you needn’t respond now, but if you are intentionally not speaking- you need to answer me NOW.

Oh- HELL NO- you did NOT!!!  After telling me to be quiet, now you’re going to insist that I answer you?!?!  What kind of ridiculous mind game nonsense is this??  See, THIS is where things start to go a bit south for me.  The independent woman (cue Beyonce music) in me starts to get all worked up.

Throw your hands up at me!!

I responded, “You TOLD me to go back to work- I thought that it was a rhetorical question.”

Ok, so there are NO rhetorical questions.  I decided not to argue even though I wanted to.  I mean, in a text message I can respond as I please.  He’s not right in front of me.  He can’t STOP me, right?  However- I opted to let it go.  I let him lecture me, and I said I was sorry.  When he asked how I was feeling, I suggested that we talk later because I was too tempted to argue with him right now.  You see, I really WANT to behave- but I was irritated.  Ok, I was even a little angry.

I went to lunch with my Domme friend, Mistress T and I told her what happened.  I showed her the messages.  I was looking for some sympathy.  Some understanding, and maybe a little bit of ‘girl’ support.

Yeah, I didn’t get that.  Tops stick together.  Maybe theres a “Top Code” or something.

Me: So you see, it was a misunderstanding in timing and text messages.  And besides, it’s not my fault that he wasted his whole day.  I’m here at work and he’s still in bed!

MT: Well sugar, it seems to me like it’s all up for interpretation.  And well, you lose!

Me: (grumbing….)  I don’t like being in trouble.

MT: Well, then BEHAVE.

Luckily SHE is not my Top because the dagger eyes I gave her were not well appreciated but she wasn’t at liberty to do anything about it.

In the end, He and I did discuss the misunderstanding and he agree that it was just that- a misunderstanding- however the lesson was still good for me.  We talked about it the next day.  The. Next. Day.  24 hours later- more like 36 really.  That evening, I started talking about it and he just said, “No.”

NO?!?!!

Yeah- this is HARD.  It is not easy for me to be told to keep my mouth shut and it’s harder for me to be put in my place- especially when I feel that I’m misunderstood.  I mean, hello, have you met ME?  However, I know that he is fair and he was concerned about my feelings here.  This was a first for me and we did spend some time talking about it.  I trusted that he would eventually allow me to say what I needed to say, but it would not be on my time, it would be on his.  Yes, this is hard- but it’s a process I’m willing to go through and perhaps it will teach me some emotional discipline.  I’m certainly willing to go through this process because so far the benefits have all been positive.

The second thing I learned is that the entire exchange, surprisingly, made me so incredibly hot.  I find it hard to explain, but something about being told, being ordered.  Knowing that I would speak when I was told to.  It’s hard to explain and the Sasha Fierce in me wants to fight it.  However I can’t deny that it left me sexually charged all day long.

It left me feeling vulnerable and sensitive, but I knew that if I just barely touched my pussy I’d come instantly.  My panties were soaked I found it hard to concentrate on much else due to the aching between my legs.

I think, however, that if we were together all the time- this adjusting period would land a frustrated and silenced me over his knee.  A lot.  I just think I might enjoy it more than he wants me too.

I can never have too many rabbits.  They are still, without a doubt my favorite kind of toy.  I’ve gone over what I like about them, time and time again so I won’t inundate you with how good the ears are, or how much the rotating shaft puts me into overdrive.

A few months back on Twitter, the girls over at Adam & Eve held a webcast on Rabbit Vibrators.  While I have seen many of the different kinds, there was one that caught my eye.  For two reasons really:  it’s gold.  Yes the handle and party of the shaft are gold and sparkly.  Also, it’s a little bigger than the others.  Most have about 5 insertable inches and 1.5 inches in diameter (4.71 circumference).  The Golden Jack Rabbit is  1,7 inches in circumference (5.33 in circumference) and 5.5 inches insertable.  Who doesn’t want an extra half inch here and there.

It has 6 levels of vibration, low, medium, high, a slow building (which is nice but I don’t like it when it stops) and then three different speeds of pulsing.  I usually just go straight to high, but I admit that the fastest pulse is also really nice.  The rotation also has 6 speeds.  See all the pictures HERE.

Since the rotating beads are higher up on the shaft than with other rabbits I have, the rotation is not very wide.  On my rechargeable jack rabbit, I can actually bend the shaft just a tad to make or a wider rotation.  You can’t do this on this one,  I admit though that I hardly notice, perhaps that is due to the thicker shaft.  What I also like about this toy is the off button.

You don’t have to push the down button to turn it off or down- when you are done, but just hit the of button and everything shuts off.  That’s a nice difference from the others.  Sometimes when the orgasm is over, the last thing you want to do is push the buttons, down down down… then the other one down down down.  I mean, there’s two different controls and nobody wants to yank a dildo out of their vag in those post orgasm moments, but then you really need to motion to STOP.  So the OFF button is nice.

This is not a phthalate-free toy so if you have concerns about materials, please not that this one comes with the Asian Nail Salon smell etc, which is not pleasant, but does fade in time and simply does not bother ME, even though it does bother many others, so that is something to keep in mind.  Click here for a little about phthalates and lets say you’ve been “disclaimed.”

Check out the other rabbits and all the other fabulous sex toys from Adam & Eve.  They always have great sales and usually you get a free toy or DVD with every purchase over $17.

I admit that I don’t get massages often.  It’s a luxury that I can’t afford, and here’s a little *secret* about me.

I’m REALLY ticklish.

I have a friend who is a massage therapist and I had a horrible knot in my upper back that I couldn’t get out.  So I called her and had her come over.  Well, like I thought- I really couldn’t relax *enough* for it to help and in the end I think she even refused to take my money for her time.

That being said, I really DO like being touched.  I like someone rubbing my back, in a stroking, sweeping way- that just equals a connection between two people.  I also don’t mind giving massages, unskilled as my small hands may be.  Also I like scratching, it feels good on my fingertips.  (I also like having my back scratched, but try finding a man with long enough nails for that these days.)

But I did get this pack of massage oils recently.  Because even though I don’t like having my muscles manipulated to the point of bruising.  I do like being touched, and I kind of enjoy smelly lotions etc.  I have long wondered about pheremone products.  If they really do draw people in, or if the scent of it remind you that you have it on and you simply carry yourself a bit differently.  I have some honey dust that I wear- almost every day- and I admit that doesn’t make the boys flock to me or anything.  But it does still make my skin taste sweet at the end of the day and helps with perspiration in places that girls tend to sweat!

This Kama Sutra Sampler is actually perfect for non massage types like me who want a small bottle on the go.  I keep one with me in my ‘overnight/play’ bag because you just never know when your date is going to want to rub you down.  Maybe after some particularly hot “muscle manipulation” of another kind.  The massage oils are earthy scented, not too overwhelming and not TOO thick or too oily.  I didn’t have to shower afterwards, which was a plus.  My favorite scent was the Sweet Almond which when I’m done with the 5 small bottles, I will probably just get a bottle of that.  The others were pleasant, but not relaxing in a “yummy” way.

I still don’t know much about Kama Sutra, and I’m not sold on the idea that pheremones are going to make the boys come running (trust me, I will let you know if I find out).  However, the Kama Sutra Products are a good line of lotions and potions that I’d trust to purchase.

Ok – so I was late for HNT.  But I’m gonna post it anyway because it’s still Thursday!!

So at the New York City Sex Blogger Calendar party I was dressed in a plain black wrap dress.  It was nothing spectacular, but what I did have on were these socks.  Now in my excitement about the party, I forgot to put my memory card in my camera and I never ended up getting pictures of them.  They are so cute- and very sexy.  I showed them to everyone including Drew from Eden Fantasys who sent them to me to begin with!

So I last night for my webcam date, I was sure to get dressed up a little bit my new sexy black pinstriped chemise and I put the socks back on.  I didn’t end up on webcam afterall, but its important to be prepared.  Just in case.

The garters at the top of these socks are so fucking adorable and I got a lot of compliments all night long at the party.

Fishnet Knee Highs with Ruffle and Bow

Happy Friday!!

I promise I will write smut soon. I have a few interesting things brewing in my head. Stories I’ve started and not finished, things like that. You will most likely not be hearing about random sex acts. For now, they just won’t be happening, I have put them in safe-keeping. Trust me, it is for the best. BBG was close to being thrown out a 7th story window—she’s still here, just a little more…controlled. Let’s hope you all still love me when I’m NOT a shameless whore.

So I was taking today about The Range. No, this has nothing to do with firing guns or “Home on the….” It’s about emotions. Go ahead…if you’re looking for dirty sex talk, you can click away…not this time. What I mean is the range of emotions that people go through in the beginning of something new. Mix that with a D/s relationship and it is something entirely different.

Yesterday He and I were talking about emotions and protocol and how this level of formality helps to keep things in perspective. Helps keep up certain boundaries. I responded with, “Perhaps for you, but it isn’t exactly the same for me.” For me, the protocol is a safe extension for the normal range of emotions that everyone goes through in the beginnings of a relationship. Imagine my surprise that I am allowed, and actually encouraged to speak my mind about how I feel about the other person in this relationship.

For example, in a ‘vanilla’ (and I use that term loosely, with no disrespect, and for lack of a better one) dating scenario of two people dating less than a few weeks, you certainly can’t say what’s really on your mind. Most often when you first start dating someone really great, everything is all sparkly and rainbows. There’s the butterflies and you are so excited you can’t wait to talk to the other person again—but you certainly cannot SAY such things. Often there is no stronger kiss of death than saying too soon, “Wow—I really like you!” Even though you’re thinking it, and you hope the other person feels it too. It’s unspoken and uncertain and there’s that little tinge of misery there in beginning when you otherwise feel all sparkly and rainbows.

However, I am encouraged, praised for and probably expected to—on a daily basis—say, “I feel so fortunate to be yours, Sir.” It’s not seen as strange or clingy or “too soon.” Unless of course I didn’t feel that way, then that would be dishonest. The formality and the rules and roles of D/s, while structured—gives me an outlet to actually FEEL things. It’s expected of me to share those feelings with him. I trust Him with my feelings, because He trusts me with his. It’s been a short time, an insanely short time, but I know that He values me. He appreciates me. He tells me that I’m beautiful and special and that he’s proud of who I am.

I know, right?

But this type of exchange is allowed. It’s encouraged. Well, it’s encouraged between us anyway. Who knows what others do in their D/s relationships? You can’t exactly google this stuff. But of course, I did.

From Yahoo Answers:

What are the pros and cons of a “Dom”/”Sub” relationship? (yes in quotes) There were a few answers but the one that seemed to be the most thought out was this one:

Personally, I don’t think D/S is a good foundation for a relationship. Because D/S is basically emotional role playing and those who make it a way of life are isolating themselves from the full range of emotions and subtle give and take in a relationship. Additionally with D/S each person suppresses one side of their personality for some “spiritual and emotional transcendence” when it’s not about them anymore it’s about the experience. Mind games. With a relationship outside of that it’s not about dominance or submission, a relationship outside of D/S is about a balance between the two, a shared balance. In D/S there is no sharing, it’s always either top and bottom.

Interesting, but I completely disagree. I am not at all isolating myself from a full range of emotions this early in the relationship and I know there are plenty of couples who have loving committed long term D/s relationships. There is very clear and obvious give and take. “Each person suppresses one side of their personality”—hmmmm…I don’t think so. Granted, this is a different side of me, but not one that I dislike. I don’t feel like I’m suppressing anything. Mind Games? Hmmm, perhaps I could see how mind games might come in to play—however, it seems to me that communication is the key. If a top is doing something ‘mind game-y’, chances are they have something in mind, and the sub should be able to anticipate what that is and consents to it. Being submissive does not negate your right to think. In D/s there is no sharing?? Really? Because I think He and I have shared a few amazing moments, already so soon in our journey together.

I’m finding all of this more and more appealing as the days go on. I think our physical distance will eventually become frustrating, as it obviously limits our ability to touch and play. It limits the physicality, but it certainly hasn’t limited the intimacy. Perhaps it IS some sort of emotional transcendence.

What is so bad about that?

“I always thought of you more as slut than submissive.”

Few truer words were spoken really.

It’s strange where you find change. Its never expected and often not welcome. Who thought that I would ever say these words out loud, and truly mean them:

“You make me want to behave.”

It’s a strange place I’ve fallen into, unfamiliar and in some ways- unnatural. Submission was always something I did in the bedroom and no place else. It was accepting pain and punishment in exchange for the cathartic mental disconnect it gave me. I have read about but never really understood those that are submissive anywhere outside of the sex act. Yes, I can let you spank my ass, and pull my hair- but I never let you in my head. I never let you into my soul, and certainly not into my heart.

Sex for me has been a whirlwind of experiences. Some good, some bad. I’ve been lucky that I have avoided situations that have put me in physical danger however I know that over time there has been little peices of me taken away. I’ve given myself away. Carelessly, under the guise of experience, lust, fun or adventure. I am accountable to no one. I’ve run my sexlife the way I wanted with some, but very little regard to my consequences. I’m a beautiful disaster.

“Oh I’m such a mess
I have no choice but to confess
That I’ve been desperately trying to belong
Lying to myself
And everybody else
Refusing to admit my right was wrong”

And now he is here. And I am His. Gratefully.

Learning my path. Finding my feet. Learning to behave. Wanting, wanting so much for those words that fill me. The words that set off the synapses in my brain and cause wetness in my pussy. The words that run hot searing fluid to the tips of my fingers and the bottom of my toes. Good girl.

I never really understood the intensity of the D/s dynamic. Yes, there has been some aspect of D/s space with Mr. Park- but for the most part, he ‘hits me and fucks me’. No, that is hardly the same as this. This is exchange of power. This is an uneven balance. It’s him inhaling as I exhale. It’s him striking my skin and that impact vibrating to my bones and radiating back to his fingers, giving back to him. It’s the power I give him, by giving up my own-willingly. It’s the strength he receives, when I give him my trust.

It’s powerful.

It’s gentle.

It’s complicated.

Yet it’s so simple.

“The Kink Academy provides creative, playful, and varied sexuality instruction for curious adults and consenting (and adventurous) individuals who are looking to take their sexual knowledge further, to explore their own fantasies, and to learn from experts who are passionate about helping you to improve your sex life!”

I got the lovely pleasure of meeting The Headmistress of KinkAdacemy.com, Princess Kali at Sex Worker Literati. Now, at the risk of sounding condescending, I’m going to say that she is simply fantastic. When I first saw her she was talking to Monk about a spill she took on the street and was showing him the mark on her hands. Rope Top meets Dominatrix:

Monk: Oh dear, let me see. (kisses her palms)
Princess Kali: I know- I have marks!
Monk: (still kissing her pretty hands)
Princess Kali: You can stop now.
Monk: (sits up straight and puts her hands down). I’m sorry. Did you see how I started to Daddy you? (laughter)
Princess Kali: Yes, but that’s enough, (bright smile) before I have to kick you in the balls.

It’s an interesting dynamic. Two tops. It was a funny and respectful exchange.

She’s charming, funny and very much lives up to her title. She was very kind to me when I got sick on Thursday night. She was so worried about me and even let me lay my head on her chest. We talked a little about her websites, Princess Kali as well as KinkAcademy.com.  When I got home I logged into the free account I got and delved right in.

If you have a blog, you can get a free one month membership.  Email admin(@)kinkacademy(dot)com with your blogsite, write a review on your blog and in exchange you will get a password for a free months membership.

Did I mention that THIS is Princess Kali??  Oh yea… there’s THAT.

So when I got into KinkAcademy.com  I looked around for more sub,-related topics.  What I found was a video on Protocol.  I really NEED “Sub for Dummies” but this is very easy to understand.  The video talked a little about protocol and how to ‘talk to your Dominant.”  As Princess Kali explained, you want to be respectful, sincere, and pleasant.

Yes- I know.  I’m working on it.  It’s NOT easy.  Even in chat conversations I find myself wearing out my backspace key, trying to use the proper tone that will please him.  I find that it’s not very hard to say “Sir” when speaking to him- there’s a difference between saying, “I’ll do it if you want me to” and “If it pleases you.”

This is just one of the ‘video classes’- there’s tons and I am excited to learn more.  I think it will be very beneficial for me as I’m on my journey.  I’ll be sure to make more mention of the site as I’m learning, but I encourage you to check it out.  It’s a reasonable monthly fee and really if you are serious about learning more about Kink… this is the place to go!!